HIDE THE BIBLEJune 10, 2001
If you’re an atheist who travels a lot, like I do, here’s a fun game you can play in your hotel room. It’s called “Hide The Bible”.
As soon as you get settled in, check all the drawers until you find the ubiquitous Gideon’s Bible. Then the fun begins.
Explore your room, looking for a good place to hide that Bible. Often there’s a space underneath the dresser, enclosed on three sides but open at the back. I’m pretty sure they don’t move those dressers very often, so it’ll take ‘em a long time to find it there! If you can’t get the Bible under the dresser that way, try pulling out one of the bottom drawers. Sometimes you can get it like that, and even if you can’t, there may still be room to fit the bible underneath the drawer itself. In hotels that have big TVs, the TV stand offers another excellent hiding place. One time my wife found a way to wedge a hardcover bible’s cover in a thin gap in the wall underneath the sink. You never know what cool places you’ll find to hide it in!
Don’t hide it under the sheets, or even between the mattresses, because it’ll be found right away. And don’t break anything in order to create a hiding place, because it’s not your property. It’s not even stealing! The Bible is still in the room, they just don’t know where you put it.
The great thing about Hide the Bible is that when a hotel finds a Bible missing, they replace it with a new one donated by the Gideons, paid for by their Christian followers. This is a great way to make Christians waste money, because the Bible isn’t really gone! It’s still there. And some day, the hotel is gonna find it. And when they do, they’re gonna go… "HEY! We’ve got TOO MANY BIBLES!"
Which is what we atheists have been saying all along.
Update: August 23, 2001
I just received the following email:
"I played "Hide the Bible" over the weekend, but someone beat me to my hiding place. I lifted the nightstand, only to find another bible! I ended up placing it under the dresser with a note saying..."No, please try another location." I love that game." - Steve G.
That's great to hear, Steve! Apparently "Hide the Bible" is beginning to catch on. Send your own "Hide the Bible" stories to: firstname.lastname@example.org